Distracted - Redux

I woke up today
With my life on display
Feeling a little past the point of dead
Like a firefly
My life is a light
Flickering in the dead of night
Exclaiming aloud
My stories of pride
The ones I carefully choose to hide

I'm a brand new man
Shambling ahead
Sticking dreams aside
Bury them deep where they can hide
Plotting the day they escape

But I'm about to go
There's only one thing I know
These memories escape the coffins of hope
Rotting corpses of the past
Hunger of despair and desire like rain
Muddy water here...

--always distracted...Ugh

Two Heads

Seemingly twisted in overly mystic
Hazy jaded lines
Found a fellow
Dressed in yellow
Now there's one to go

Where we go tonight my friend
I should never have quite known
If it's all the same to you
I think we'll go in tow
To the whiskey
a
go go

Partners to the bitter end,
Birds of a feather
Together in this fine weather
With the rain beneath our feet
It should't dare
Touch so fair
Innocents like these

Run, run, run
While we can
Lay of the land
Is our's to expand
Until the very last man
Checks right on in
Guns in hand
Make a stand

Now or never, we've got to shiver
At the cold raging at our door

Two's beaten better
Than some half assed devil
Crying loud out in the snow

Grab you a shell and a gauge of twelve
And come play doh-si-doh
Woah-oh-oh

This is an attempt
to mask what's real
I hide behind your eyes
You see
What I feel
Open spaces
Come in time
Left behind
Again

Snake charmer
I see your lies
You've given empty promises
With the blood that ties

When we sleep
It's all so real
When we wake
We cannot feel
Poison envy
Of subtle past
Make it now
Or forever last

Winds
They change
Another storm shall come tonight
Say your words
Of forgotten
Reals

Forgot the answer
So we spread our tongue
Across the universe
And the setting sun

sleep
sleep
sleep

Soon to come...promise.
Thanks for sticking around.
Whoever you may be.
Take care.

2 Drunk 2 Fuck

Same game said the slain name of the sane fame
Asking if I'm coming back to save face
Well shit mang, I know it's about race
Even when we're all screens on a glow space
That's why steel still answers
To the turn about green change

Lit one, smoke one, time for the new run
Politics don't wannna listen
That's why we're burning for attention
Scrambling for matches, stand on indiscretion
Long as it's all burning, I ain't gonna listen
Ah, shit, ya'll catching what's on the written

Drugs be burning holes in the brains
Of my generation, yea we all insane
Want us to take charge, hell we left at a quarter to the brain
When the clock still ticked and we still felt in the game
Now it's all about living for the moment
Cause thr time pass the sane
and leave you in a gutter thinking about the same thing
Money, money, money
That solid gold green shame
Sell out, sold out, what the fuck you gotta bring
To make a step forward without selling your own name

Course it's over love
When we shun the glove
And expect lock down to come
Save us from the great above

--- -- -- -- - -- -- ----- -

How many times would you want me to be
Something just borderline alive but not quite free
Cruising highways of lust
with your dirty soul
Feeling the wheels slip and lose control
Everything you wanted I've offered a hundred times
Without losing myself in between these busted rhymes
Still the offer huants me to this very day
Wondering what would change if I'd waited to stay

----

,....]jhghh

I don't know what I'm talking about

Winds are coming soon and nothing that we can do
Batten down the hatches
It's time to let the monsters run free
It's as if all those memories and angst ridden cries are swirling down the drain
With the blood
From when I cut myself shaving

You and me, it's been a while
Course it's for the same anyhow
We're all around when you're gone
Playing in the walls

Digging in the skin
Don't know what we realize
Bright and alive like a mescaline sunrise
Twisted on dreams
That used to be free
Now they cost money
I'm afraid you just don't see
It's time for you to be
And me

Oh I'd never though it'd come to this
Not quite the same with the daybreak fits
Calling it quits over stupid shit
That's how it always goes
Isn't it?

Couldn't face you if I couldn't face myself
Live
on
T.V.

Dreams

It had been a few days, I suppose. It's not always the same locale you see. It's not even the same team. I work with amateurs because very few of us ever make it back. This would be the third run.

We walk along fault lines, taking note of the vegetation. Sometimes, it stops and shrivels up within seconds. When you see that writhing mass of dull jade, you pull away. It always means trouble.

Least, that's how I remember it. I only get flashes now. They said that would happen.

And we keep moving, always moving. I don't even ask why, I figure if every day...is exactly the same, what's the fault in going along with the plan. It's not like one can twist fate. It's not like that at all.

Coming up, a distance away...maybe fourty yards...there's what we want and I see them now. Crawling along the rocks, sliming and oozing down to their nectar...

We slow down and begin to ask what we're even doing. It's always the same.

Motion springs into effect and each takes a leap of faith
Slipstream time launch and we're back home
Now with another into the chute
Launching into it's pod, separated from it's home
Bodies lay on the floor, with what's needed being returned.

Again, that old singular time, winds down and another run is done.

We try.

We try very hard.

Tombstone

Coursing
I'm lost again
Crossing
You're wondering why

He said, it's not what this lands done as it is what's been to me
She said, it's not like I tried to see it, but I tried to bleed
He said, it's not what's left me broken as it is what's carried in me
She said,

Oh, you come back
It's always the same
Like a sad scared whimper
Inky drops of wet rain in the snow
Where it's past two in the morning
The jukebox is cold
Diner is empty
We're here all alone

Don't pretend like you give a shit
Don't lie to me when I'll sit here and take it
Don't you fucking scream when I whisper
Don't you know when it's time for you to quit

Crashing
Calling
You're falling, you're falling
Yea, you're calling
You're calling

All of the lights, flicker
Music fades
Drift to paradise
Awaken to rain

So, you're calling you're calling
Calling to be saved
With a chip in the brain
Screaming blast all day
Now, you're falling
you're falling
Into venom pit ways
Slaving for nothing
It's time for breaking away
The ropes been severed
All those memories long since frayed
Just like love at first sight
These days seem to flutter away

Now you're calling, you're calling
and falling, and falling

Words flung backward
through time, they fade
spread a new virus
Called prey on disease
So you're calling you're calling
for leaves from the trees
but they're falling they're falling
Ripped by the breeze
If only my sun would shine
On gloomy days like these

Work in Progress. Take One.

I'll give it a shot

Who knew three hours could feel like a galaxy? Spanning across time innumerable and leaving shells of days where bright lights and laughing children used to play.

There's a feeling here that's more than what some would call one thing and less than something others would read about. Then, does it all even matter to a page on a vast and emotionless void of cyber-ether spanning the new multiverse that seems so much more reachable than the blank beyond out above our heads?

That's what's hard. Knowing that for once, maybe the sky lowered a bit and we can both reach out and grab our own little slice of the world, floating on deck chairs of cumulus and raining sex on the forgotten populace in ancient, broken, rhythmic humping. Like a jungle groove to ward off fear..

Here, I can be someone. I can be a King when everyone else sees a rat. Mixed with half truths and full truths for a change, those angels spread their wings aloft and fly into the dead of night, casting aside the standing feud for a dance tonight. Dance! Dance! Tonight, oh god tonight, dance. If nothing else you do, dance.

Tomorrow shoots into the sky from a megaton blast of molten fury. Sinking high in upside down anger, bats and laughter fill what was a calm sleep. Citizens awaken, shut your doors! We all burn tonight, on leathery wings crashing through windows of broken lust.

Then sometimes, something comes along and it makes it all seem worthwhile.

Stalling

You know, I'm completely convinced we're (humanity, unless you prefer another title?) all turning into a giant batch of passive aggressive pussies. I've stated this opinion...probably too often, and with good admittance...but the fact remains.

I keep hearing things going around these little wired cells speaking stories of people having products removed post purchase for a dissenting opinion. Mind you, it would be one thing if we were talking about something akin to a man lobbying individually in an office building. Demanding "equal attention!" and "fair rights!" or something as they pump their fists in the air, spit out venom and eat the stinkless shit coming out of them at night.

No, that would be too much fun though, this is something all too more wacky. In todays age, with all our instant communication and immediate placements, there isn't time to walk somewhere. So, rather...


* I don't like this one bit so far


I have very little motivation to speak about things like this. It's just common sense. The long end of all that was some dude put a post on a forum board after he bought a video game. He called the creators of said gamne a name ("devil") and they activated a response that digitally cancels his game from being played.

Let me repeat that. He paid for a game, came home, played it, made a post on a message board on the internet, someone read it or a machine algorithm caught it and off his product went.

Imagine if food were like that? Or anything but a video game really. There's just so many things wrong with that. All it makes me realize is how desperate it's all getting.

You hear about all these terrible things so much now...it's everywhere. You have to use things that hurt you to get ahead and the mere act of eating or drinking now has to associate some fear with it.

I'm not even what I'd consider an adult and all I've ever gotten were lies. From day one. You're supposed to grow up, educated amongst peers knowing that the world was in relative peace. After all, we had had the cold war following the worst series of deaths this planet has seen. Then I realize how absurd it is to say that, since in this day and age we already seem to be ramping up how many we can kill.

It's just with subtlety now. Passive aggression...

I'm told to be thankful, because the people below me have it even worse. But, i'm barely managing to put food into my mouth and my health is a dice roll. My eduction was a choose your own adventure that suddenly decided to take a turn for "Do X or be poor, useless to most of modern society and outcast."

So, I'm doing the exact opposite of everything I'm supposed to. I'm dropping out, tuning off and combing the world of the dream for some kind of chance at...something. Everyone's got something and I do too dammit, I'm just not certain what it should be or is. I feel like I'm running out of time

I have people to call and things to do, and I've been procrastinating for over 3 hours. I'm blaming the pjs again.

You know why no one takes people in pajammas seriously?
Go put a pair on. Yeaaaaa, I know right? That shit rocks your ass to sleep and you fucking like it. Do yours have some kind of lame ass cartoon character on them, with the squiggle eyes and football helmet? Or, were you inspired by Casanova and paid more than Wal Mart would allow for those you of piece of class you.

Ok, now...go do something. You don't want to huh? I understand, I can't move either. I've been here 80 years. My ass is a cloud, that could be all the fecal matter though.


\\

You could see it surely past the edge of the sunrise. It's like those times when you're walking along and you run into something, not because you saw anything in particular but you felt as if you needed a jolt going for that day. Except this time, after you've made your usual pardons to any passers by, you *do* see something.

It's just...sitting there. Asking for it, you even. Just you, yea.

So, you keep walking along and you go about your day. You can hear it now, at the store perusing the aisles for something classy for dinner that evening. Once again, no particular reason.

-- I wonder if it's possible to become autistic through computer usage amounts.

Scrambling along, perched in the trees the squirrels wait and chatter amongst themselves. Eyes peering from the leafy wilderness in the treetops, they hunger for knowledge of the moment. Like a lightning bolt, they live in seconds. Each passing into the air as quickly as it came. Worry and regret are monoliths beneath the waves to these noble spirits now.

"I'm tired of getting ripped off by guys like that."

It's a lingering smell by the time you get in the door, weaving in and out of your subconscious rapidly.

eh.

I feel like a child.

Sometimes, I get concerned I'm dragging everyone around me down.
That's funny, because I haven't had a soul call on me or visit in days
Sometimes, that turns into weeks.

I don't even know what I did wrong.

Sometimes, I wish I was back by myself on the streets. I was genuinely happy there and I kept that whole part of my life a large secret and only now do I let it come out.

I saw some fucked up things in that short week, I felt even more so. What was I, a middle class kid doing out there? Why did I move again? Who was I? Hell, who am I now?

I'd do it again, even knowing what I know. Same people even, they were pretty fun sometimes. That's how everything is for me, maybe even you. I can't think of anything I want in my life all the time, I just start hating things sometimes. Maybe it's a frustration, maybe it's me not being vocal enough, maybe it's something else.

Maybe, I never understand because the only person that talks to me is me. I've tried. I honestly have. I just wasn't meant for this. I try and do things as I've learned and understood them to be and I end up jobless, friendless, and sometimes homeless.

Sometimes, I wonder how I can be one of the most rage filled, grudge holding people I know and feel normal in comparison to just almost everyone I know.

I have nothing but love...hah, alright, well...I'd like to be that way someday

Dancing lets me feel free, so I do it in the shower.
Music lets me live, so I play when I'm alone.
Writing saves me, so I just do it now. I used to want opinions, now I can't get any even if I so desired.

I want to leave soon. I have no interest in a singular place anymore. Why should I?
I used to think if I were dead, no one would care. Now...it's been proven.
I could cancel my phone tomorrow, I should. It's 40 a month that needs to be in the electric...or the internet.

Someday, my life long love will fade away from you too oh great invention. Have you ever wondered...like, stop and wonder tomorrow...just don't go to work, you hate that anyway.

Just sit around, listen to music you enjoy (may I suggest shuffle? Learn something new) and just wonder. Wonder about yourself, your life, your love. Everything.

Are you where you'd like to be?
I'm close...all that stops me is friendship. I have two friends, I could say with honesty, left. They've been there forever and making new friends is harder than you'd think.

I like to use these writing to talk about myself, or sort things out. Some people have said, in general, I'm a selfish man. I think that's funny...I don't do anything for myself. Especially these days.

I used to want to die, I used to want to live. I'm just not sure either way anymore. I feel like a delicate husk, a ghostly presence, some afterimage of a flash of light.

I see flaws daily in the world and I am but one man. Supermen could change things. I am no superman. I want to be.

Cheer up! You're not dead yet!
Hell, you don't have to die.
You never do.

I certainly don't intend on it.